No More Spoiled Milk
by Teh Pocky Ninja
Summary: A quickie oneshot rewrite of Episode 3. What if Naruto hadn't drunk that spoiled milk? My first submitted fic here, be nice and leave a review please! Not intended for those who don't like a bit of fluff every now and then. SasuxSaku.


Ok, all you aspiring writers out there...This is it! My first ever _submitted_ fanfiction on this site! Also my first ever oneshot, but still...Be kind to an

anime fangirl and leave a review. You'll recieve an imaginary stick of Pocky if you do! Squee!

* * *

**Sakura POV**

It's happening! It's really happening! And all I had to do was tell him that I liked him. In your FACE, Ino-pig!

And here I am, sitting on a bench with HIM. And he's (insert squeal) blushing! That's so hot! I hope he doesn't know what I'm thinking…

But…with those dazzling black eyes that can gaze at you like they're looking right through you…he can't know what I'm thinking! Can he? No, he can't! Rrgh! If he could he'd probably be laughing at my thoughts…no, wait, he never laughs…smirking, then. Smirking evilly with that gorgeous face of his…

Oh, wait…he's talking to me. Talking TO ME?! Oh my gawd! He never talks to anybody! I feel so special…

Uh-huh…something about the idiot in our team…what do I think of him? What kinda question is that?

Well, I'll be honest with him, as if I could ever lie to that face. Naruto's annoying. He constantly bugs me, never leaves me alone, and messes up everything I try to do.

Wait…was that a twitch? It looked like his eye just twitched. Gah! What am I thinking? Uchihas do NOT twitch, they're too awesome for that.

And here we go…I'm telling him that I only want to be accepted by him…that he's very special to me…(more blushing!)

Is he getting the hint? Of course, he must be. We weren't the top two students in the Academy for nothing. He's bright red now. Aww, that's so cute!

I'm leaning closer to him now…and he's not backing away! Score! And for the finishing touch, w-

…

Oh. My. God. Sasuke-kun has done the unthinkable.

The unthinkable meaning showing affection to another human being. Wow, that's such an understatement.

I'm actually _being hugged_ by the king of the hot! I think I'm about to faint. I've got eagle-sized butterflies having a spaz-fest in my stomach…and I'm pretty sure my palms are sweating up an ocean. I _really_ hope he doesn't notice…

Oh…his hands are pretty damp. He's nervous as well. Oh em gee!

I really hope he doesn't say anything in the next few minutes. I can't trust my mouth not to short-circuit and start babbling like a fast-forwarded video.

And now he's touching my face…I am seriously going to kill myself if I snap at this critical moment. Stay calm, repeat, _stay calm_.

He's pushing some hair away from my eyes. Speaking of eyes, good _god_ his are looking straight at me…those deep dark pools leading into the very depths of his soul…

And he's still blushing, oh how cute he is. He's got this great big spot of pink going all the way across his face. It stands out pretty brightly against his pale skin.

One of his fingers touches my mouth. I suddenly realized how close to him I was. Without knowing, I had leaned in closer. Invaded his bubble. Was I actually trying to… _kiss_ him? Oh no! What was he going to say?!

"Sakura…"

My name isn't that special or original, but gods above, when _he_ says it, it sounds so exquisite…

He removes his finger from my lips, instead cupping my cheek with his hand. His touch is warm (as well as a bit damp, but oh so soft…)

"Not yet," he murmurs, only inches from my face.

Eh?! What's that supposed to mean? "Not yet?" what does he think h-

His hands aren't around me anymore. He's getting up off the bench. He's leaving? Waah! No, Sasuke-kun! Don't leave! I want you to stay!

"Be right back," he says.

Wait…that look…is it…_excitement?!_ But I can't look again to make sure, 'cause he's already gone, disappearing around a corner from where we were just sitting together.

My brain seems to have frozen over for a moment. Eventually I get it running again, but not after a complete rewind through the events that just unfolded.

_Be right back_? He's coming back. _He's coming back!_

And I will SO be waiting _right_ here for you, Sasuke-kun, I promise! Tee-hee…

* * *

**Sasuke POV**

Annoying little cretin…how dare he attempt to incapacitate me with just a length of rope and some bandages? Well, he knows better now. Though a downside to that is, he'll try something less amateur-ish in the future… only means I get to beat him up all the more often…

Hum. Trees. Sidewalk. Fangirl on a bench.

Wait. Ack. That's not just any fangirl. It's the crazy pink one I got stuck with thanks to Iruka-sensei.

And she's…staring. A lot. I mean, I get stared at all the time, but she's… _really_ staring. Did the idiot put a "Kick Me" sign on me or something? _What_ is she staring at?!

And…now she's waving. Just a little. I know that wave. It's the flirty wave. The come-hither wave.

Maybe if I pretend she's not there she'll go away.

…

Ok, that's not working. If only unholy creatures like fangirls were as dumb as animals…maybe if I played dead I could escape when she ran for help…

"I saved your seat, Sasuke-kun."

Wait…what? I'm pretty sure I'd remember sitting on a bench next to a crazed, drooling, psychopathic…

Y'know…that's odd. I half-expected her to jump up and squeal "LIKE OMG SASUKE-KUN LET'S GET MARRIED!" but this one's only sitting and waving. It's kinda peaceful.

Wait…what am I saying? If I cave in to her, she'll start following me around and snarling at any other female who comes within…

Actually, that's not such a bad idea…one fangirl over three hundred. I could live with that.

She doesn't squeal when I sit next to her. She _is_ blushing quite a bit, though. All fangirls are the same…

Ok, _what_ is going on here? Why is she snuggling up against me? Did she not get the memo that I don't like personal contact? Hello?!

Oh, wonderful. Now she's got her head resting on my shoulder. Just great. If I move, she'll get offended. Though fangirls may be demented beasts, they somehow manage to get upset only at the most inopportune moments. Like right now.

And now I just have to sit here…God, the only person I ever let come this close to me was my mother… I don't even know this girl's _name_, for crying out loud!

Wait…there's a tag sticking out of the back of her dress. I tilt my head just a tiny bit so I can read it.

_Haruno Sakura._

Sakura? Like, as in cherry blossoms? She must have been born with that bright pink hair she has, for her parents to pick that name…

Ack…fangirl senses tingling…

She's staring at me again. Only this time it's from below eye level. She's got huge green eyes. If she was a plant, her hair would be the flower petals and her eyes the stem…

What am I _thinking_?! I must have eaten something really stale last night…yeah, that's definitely it. My stomach feels like it's going through a spin cycle. I hope to heaven I don't throw up…

Fantastic. She's smiling at me. Laughing. She thinks my stomach problems are _funny_. Mother, _why_ did you make me promise not to hit girls when they annoy me? Why?!

"You're blushing, Sasuke-kun."

What? Great. Now that I officially have caught the bubonic plague from eating something past its expiration date, she's pointing out that it's making the blood vessels in my face go into hyperdrive. Excuse me while I die writhing in agony.

I'm so caught up in imagining ways to transmit this horrible disease to Itachi I don't notice her hand coming up until it touches my head, just below my forehead protector.

Hello?! Personal space invasion here!

Although, her touch is refreshingly cool…like a cold splash of water after training in the scorching hot for an entire day…

Dear _god_, I must be infected with a virus that causes disorientation and lack of thought control. I am _not_ thinking these fluffy thoughts about a fangirl! I am not!

Oh snap. She realized I didn't react in a negative manner to her touching my face. Now she's got both her arms around my middle. Is she severely brain-damaged or something?! I don't like being touched! I am a _Homo sapiens_ male and I do not respond well to physical contact! Are you listening to me?!

…

Oh, she's enjoying this. Perfect.

Seeing as I can't really do much in this situation without flooding the Leaf Village with fangirl tears, I'm adding ways to kill Itachi with a rusty pitchfork to my imaginary list of tortures. That always relaxes me.

…Which she just _had_ to notice, of course…she's giggling…what _now_?

Ok. I am officially afflicted with a rare virus known as statue-itis. Victims of this illness experience the inability to move when senseless fangirls simply cuddle up to them and drape their arms around their necks. I think I'm going to throw up after all.

…

Crazed fangirl Haruno Sakura, I commandeth thee to stop nuzzling my throat with your face. It's very uncomfortable. If you consent to this request, I will promise not to completely ignore you while we're stuck in the same team together.

…

Oh, for the love of…

_Please_?

There, I said it. Please stop? You're making my blood vessels work overtime again. And my stomach just entered spin cycle mach five.

I think I really _am_ sick…I'm getting dizzy. My hands gripping the sides of the bench are unusually sweaty. I hope she doesn't notice and start laughing again.

Everything's started spinning…I shut my eyes in an attempt to quell the dizziness.

…

Ah…much better…no more gut-wrenching stomach flips…just me, myself, and something soft and wet…

…

Oh.

My.

God.

This crazy Sakura girl did the unimaginable.

She _took advantage_ of me and my pain! She cooked up a plan in that conniving little mind of hers to hit me when my guard was down! She IS a deranged fangirl!

I mean, who else would have the nerve to _kiss_ me when I'm grieving over a bellyache! And it's my first kiss, too!

(Memory of accidental contact with annoying idiot earlier today removed. Therefore, incident did not occur. It didn't take place, simply because I say so. Yes, the universe conforms to my will. I'm just cool like that.)

I mean, not that I care, but…what's the matter with her! How dare she-!

Ok, that is the last straw! How _dare_ she start fondling my hair with those slender…I mean _skinny_ little hands of hers?! What did I just say about physical contact?!

She is _really_ ticking me off now. How _dare_ she secretly put a jutsu on me that severs the connection between mind and body? She's doing it for her own sick pleasure, the scheming little witch. There is no way on this earth I'd ever willingly be embracing her frail little body like this. It is NOT proper shinobi conduct.

She truly is a sadist. Her evil almost rivals that of my brother. She's forcing my hands to travel all over her back, gently rubbing her almost-nonexistent curves. She's compelling my mouth to deepen our completely indecent contact to a fiery kiss. She's making me act like I actually _want_ to have her willowy frame so passionately close to mine…

This Haruno Sakura is without a doubt one of the most criminal-minded human beings I have ever met. How can she even bear to look up at me when we finally separate with those enormous green eyes of hers? How can she even think of having that adorable little blush, or that charming little smile adorn her baby-doll face?

One thing's for certain. The minute I get back in control of my limbs, I am _so_ going to let her have it.

See how _she_ likes being taken advantage of when she leaves _her_ precious lips unguarded for more than a second.

See how _she_ likes it.

* * *

**Naruto POV**

Noooooooo! This can't be happening!

How could my perfect plan have failed? This is impossible!

I leave Sakura-chan alone for five minutes while I go find a camera to commemorate the special event of me being her first kiss.

AND THE MINUTE I GET BACK, I FIND THAT SASUKE JERK MAKING OUT WITH HER!!!

It's no fair! It's not, I did all that work of making a henge, and he has to steal her away the moment my back is turned! I bet all Uchihas are evil Sakura-stealing demons!

Oh, now he thinks it's funny! How dare he glance at me over her shoulder while they're hugging just to smirk at me! Ooh, it burns me up! I'll get him back for this! I swear I will, dattebayo!

…

Sniff…and I just realized my camera didn't even have any film in it…

This is NOT my day…

**The end!**


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